“The break is made, love has flown away: bon voyage!“, wrote George Sand. If only it could be that simple.
After a breakup, we are sometimes torn between the desire to never have met our ex, and the fear of not finding someone up to it. Absence and lack can be so unbearable that they push us to reconnect with the former object of our love.
Let’s be honest, that’s usually not a good idea. But if the damage is done, and you feel the need to put things straight, there is one question that relationship experts advise avoiding at all costs.
“Have you ever really loved me?”
After a breakup, it’s completely normal to go through a whole host of conflicting emotions. We think more or less and many questions then turn in a loop in our head. Among all these questions, there is one that it is better to avoid ruminating on or asking your ex directly: “Did you really love me?”.
The question is legitimate, especially when one has been left suddenly, or without explanation. But according to Ashera DeRosa, marriage therapist interviewed by the site best life, whatever the answer, it does not help us to turn the page! If your ex answers you “yes, of course, I loved you”, you will be tempted to think “but then why did we come to this?” And if you are told “no, I never loved you”, what will this information bring you, if not pain?
Seek the answers within
According to the therapist, it is useless to try at all costs to reconcile feelings and reason after a breakup. “Love is a messy thing,” she explains. “After a breakup, let the mess set in and work on your own healing journey” (source 1).
Sometimes you have to accept that the explanations will not come from the other. And then seek the answers within. “This kind of question is a reinsurance research“Your request may be to subconsciously confirm a negative belief about you, that you are not lovable or that you are not good enough,” adds relationship coach Rebecca Phillips. “, she continues.
You’re more likely to get the response and validation you seek by working on yourself rather than expecting your ex or someone else to give it to you.
You need to evacuate, nothing more normal: rather turn to a loved one or a therapist to share your pain and learn to manage your emotions. It is this process of acceptance that will allow you to mourning your past relationship.